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Knuckleheads in the News

Monday - 7/28/2014, 9:43am  ET

Winner: A


March 31, 2014

A) A Michigan woman who cheated on her drug test and then posted about it on Facebook. The 22-year-old was on probation for a DUI, but managed to pass a breathalyzer after a day of drinking then told all her friends about it. Her probation officer found out -- and she's back in jail.

B) A Nebraska teen who stole a car, but couldn't drive it because it was a stick. The 19-year-old used a gun to take the car from a woman, but crashed into a yard a few feet away because he didn't know how to drive a manual transmission. He sat in the car until police showed up. He's been charged with robbery.

C) A Maryland teacher who used beer as part of a math assignment. The 6th-grade- teacher had a riddle on the homework that asked kids about the alcoholic beverage, and parents weren't happy about it. The assignment wasn't one given out by the school system, but there's not plan to discipline the teacher.

Winner: A


March 24, 2014

A) A North Carolina man was arrested after sucking a woman's toes --- in a WALMART. He convinced the woman he was a podiatry student, helped her try on her shoes...then, he stuck her foot in his mouth.

B) A traveler shut down a Beijing airport after claiming he had a bomb in his BUM. The man was annoyed by the check-in procedures and apparently didn't anticipate the consequences of his remarks...or the cavity search. No bomb was found.

C) A shirtless man who shooed off a landscaping crew by flashing a lifesize handgun tatoo on his hip. The crew thought it was a real gun tucked into his pants. Police arrived with guns drawn... apparently this wasn't the first time this happened.

Winner: B


March 10, 2014

A) A man who got caught running from a crime scene because he didn't pull up his pants. The 19-year-old fell as he tried to get away from the home he was robbing, but his pants fell down around his ankles. He was arrested and charged with 3 counts of burglary.

B) A teen whose Facebook post is costing her family 80 grand. The girl's dad had just won an age discrimination suit and part of the terms were that it remain confidential. The teen mentioned the deal on Facebook, so they won't be getting any money.

C) A "bored" teen who decided to steal an Army Humvee. He broke into an Army Reserve Training Center and drove the vehicle through a fence and off the lot. He was arrested and charged with grand theft and driving under the influence.

Winner: B


February 24, 2014

A) A Florida man who broke into a home and took a nap on the couch. The man didn't steal anything, but did help himself to a beer before snuggling up in a blanket. He was arrested in connection to a string of burglaries in the area.

B) A Texas teacher who decided to have some booze while she was at work. Students in her class told the principal the woman smelled like alcohol and they had PICTURES of the bottle. The teacher eventually resigned.

C) An Iowa man who used a forklift at work to get a candy bar from the vending machine. The 27-year-old's Twix got stuck on a hook so he found a forklift to shake it free. He got three candy bars, but was fired a few days later.

Winner: C


February 17, 2014

A) A Pennsylvania woman who smuggled drugs to her jailbird boyfriend with a kiss. The woman had hidden the drugs in her mouth before she went to the jail and slid them to the man when they smooched. The cops later found them in his poop.

B) Two Delaware men who stole cigarettes from a gas station then trekked home through the freshly fallen snow. The men broke into a gas station Friday morning after the snow storm and stole 14 grand worth of cigarettes and tobacco products. Police followed their footprints in the snow where they arrested the pair.

C) A South Carolina woman who was arrested for a VHS tape she didn't return to a video store a decade ago. The 27-year-old rented Jennifer Lopez's "Monster-in- Law" in 2005, and the owner of the now-defunct video store filed a lawsuit when she didn't return it. She's being charged with failure to return a video or cassette.

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