Paul D. Shinkman, wtop.com
WASHINGTON — My Movember initiative isn’t going exactly as I planned.
I started my participation in the annual moustache-growing event last week in remembrance of my father, and to raise awareness and funds for men’s health. See my page here.
The last time I grew out my facial hair, it included my beard, which comes through relatively bushy and, you know, noticeable.
After a week of trying to tease out my upper lip follicles, and dubious comments from my colleagues (“Wait, I thought you were growing your moustache…”), I finally turned to some experts for support.
“There’s really not a lot you can do about it,” says facial coiffe authority Dr. Jonathan Ballon, a hair transplant surgeon with the Hair Club for Men in Tysons Corner.
Bad news. Unless, of course, I’m willing to engage in his professions’ more extreme procedures…
“You can have facial hair transplants, everything from eyebrows to beards,” he says. “If you’re determined, that’s an option.”
“Some people have tried using Rogain on your face,” Ballon says, “but it’s not really FDA approved for facial hair regrowth. It can really irritate the skin.”
Fortunately for my self-esteem, Ballon is in the same boat. He has a light beard, with parts that come through light enough to be unnoticeable.
The good doctor stipulates facial hair is so important to men because of its genetic link to testosterone — the father of all biological chemicals.
“Historically it’s been associated with virilulty,” Ballon says. “Of why that is, I don’t know.”
So where do I turn to restore my manhood? Well, online of course. Facebook’s “Moustache Envy Support Group” will surely have answers.
“This group has been established for all those who are jealous of a nice moustache,” reads the description text by creator Mike Meryhew of Utah. “My intent is to help us overcome that feeling so that we can be happy even if we can’t grow a moustache.”
Just my style.
“I think people grow out moustaches for respect, but it depends a lot on your age,” says Meryhew, 26. “If you’re my age, it’s more of a joke. As you get older, the more serious moustaches become.”
The accounting graduate student at Utah State University had a similar affliction — strong beard but minimal moustache — and has had some luck using Just for Men facial color to make the whiskers more pronounced. It turns out no-staches like me usually have hair, it’s just very fair and blonde.
But he affirms, a strong ‘stache goes the distance.
“If you can grow a Rollie Fingers moustache, that just makes you a man.”
So what’s left for me, Mike?
“Endure until you can grow one, throw in some dye every once in a while. Grow it long and shave off, and it comes in a little thicker.”
Phew.
“That’s kind of a myth,” Ballon adds.
Drat.
I’m growing my moustache in remembrance of my father to raise funds and awareness for men’s health, particularly prostate cancer. Check out my Movember profile page here. Please consider donating to this cause.
In my next piece — How are strong moustaches truly perceived?
Previously on Movember:
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