RSS Feeds

View from Venus: A 'how-to' update on dating

Sunday - 1/20/2013, 11:19am  ET

'Not Your Mother's Rules' by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider provides advise for the dating scene in 2013. (WTOP/Stephanie Steinberg)

Randi Martin,

WASHINGTON - In 1995, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider put together a how-to dating book called "The Rules." Women, it seemed, needed advice on how to get a man, and these two young women provided it.

The book sold 2 million copies and made The New York Times best seller list.

After pleading from their daughters and single women everywhere, the two have an updated version -- "Not Your Mother's Rules."

Fein and Schneider say the biggest challenge to dating and mating is technology.

"Technology is so different today. We said in 1995 that women shouldn't call men, but today there's Facebook, Twitter, IMing, who friends who, your profile, his profile," Fein told me. "People were saying we need to update ‘The Rules.' "

What's interesting about the "new" rules is if you take away the technology, they are really they same as the "old" rules. Here are just a few examples:

Keep the mystery

Fein, who is also a dating coach, says too much information is never romantic.

"You meet a new guy, and he follows you on Twitter and he sees every hour what you are doing. There's just something about a little mystery," she says.

Ah, the instant gratification of texting and sexting will come back to haunt and hurt you -- we hear of it all the time. Perhaps count to 10 before you hit send?

Remember your value

The two authors stress that it's important to value yourself.

"Think about not taking yourself lightly, about having boundaries and self esteem," Fein says. "If you value yourself, he will value you."

Be in the moment

I love this one.

As Fein says, "It's about being here now -- nobody's where they are!" (That's because everyone is too busy texting.)

Put down the cellphone and talk face to face. Call me old fashioned, but it's a wonderful way to get to know someone.

Fein and Schneider say if needed, they are ready and willing to write another book in 20 to 50 years -- something about spaceship etiquette.

Editor's Note: View from Venus is a regular blog by Randi Martin, who shares her thoughts on lifestyles and relationships.

Follow @WTOPLiving on Twitter.

(Copyright 2013 by WTOP. All Rights Reserved.)